I just "realized" I am heartbroken.

I was there lying on my yoga mat, cooling down after my work out. Listening to my MP3 player with the song "Realize" by Colby Caillat. Then it just hit me - I feel lonely, sad.. heartbroken. I just broke up with my boyfriend about a week ago. It was a "comfortable" 2 years and 7 months of relationship. Honestly that was the first time since the break-up that I felt sad.

Our relationship is not the usual. We are both serious people, goal oriented and focused. We prioritize our goals first before our partner, thinking that the other will always understand. We text just about 5 times a day at the most; "meet" once a week at the most.

I described our relationship as "comfortable" because I know that it made us both feel secure. The fact that we have a "relationship" made us both say to our selves that "okay I have that one accomplished, what's next on my to do list?".

In my opinion, we had a good love. We do fight, but I can say that we have solved them all in the most mature way I can think of, and that I wouldn't change anything. We loved each other, we know that, but there's just a deep drive inside of us that wouldn't let us sacrifice our "selfish" goals for the sake of the other. The last thing we want is to be a hindrance to each other's growth. 

I guess we were once enclosed in the same seed of love, but we are now growing branches, that sadly just need to grow out in different directions.

                                                               orange & apple.

Year 2010 Assessment

Every year, I make it a point to do a "self-assessment". It's nothing standard, but for me it keeps me on track. I'm the type of person who always need to have a "plan", calculated risks and "predictions" of things that can happen with every possible move.

To make it clear, it's like I'm always playing a "life chess": I have to predict how the "opponent" (in real life setting this is the "actual situation") will react in every possible move I do and then plan how I should act accordingly.

Just a few weeks ago, I turned a year older. So I guess I have to do this painful yearly process and hope that I am on track:

Year: 2010
Age: 27
M. status: Single, just broke up
Financial status: okay, but have to double time because the next years will be demanding
Social obligations: none (I need to improve on this)
etc.. the list is long and is saved on my laptop.

So, with this results I'm thinking of what I should really do with my life now.. rather, I have several things in mind, problem is I don't know WHICH to do first and HOW to do it.

Here are My To Do List:
Major (not in any order)

• Finish my MSc degree (only have 6 units left)
• Seek career advancement and increase earning capability
• Set-up and start my own business 
• Be in my healthiest form, fit and strong
• Start investing (hopefully will complete my emergency fund by May) 
• Buy my own house and lot (with a big garden for my dog and dogs to come)
• Send my brother and sisters back to school

Minor (not in any order)

• Have a "partner" (not husband, but deeper than just a boyfriend)
• Learn how to cook
• Volunteer for PAWS and PETA (be more active in their cause)
• Have more family time
• Have a more active social life

Currently, my life is more so like work-gym-home. No social life, mainly because most of my friends are now abroad. I am tempted to follow them, but I guess I still haven't lost my hope that I can also have a good life here in my beloved Philippines.

I have big dreams when I was a child. Like becoming an astronaut!!! But I realized that is almost impossible especially because my family is not rich enough to send me to a 1st world country to study. And so I just settled to becoming a Nobel prize winner.. hehehehe. They have one even in the poorest country!

Don't stop dreaming and growing as a person.. it's two of the most important indicators that you are still alive.

Wish me luck!
Mars

What's with the colors?

My first post.. I've been thinking of doing this for so long, finally.

As a child I never kept a diary, just my thoughts to my self. Using this medium, I hope to reach people, share my thoughts, passion and simply just chat. This blog (will) contain(s) my different states of mind, gray - as I may talk about serious matters, green - happy and dirty, and pink - adventures and girly stuff. I'd like to know your comments, I can't please everyone and so constructive criticisms are welcome!

Ciao!
Mars